One of the great hindrances to community building, and living as "members of one another" as the New Testament exhorts us to live; is to continually test our brothers and sisters. Test? you might ask, . . . . that doesn't sound like something we struggle with. But, indeed, instead of looking for ways to love and serve one another (since Christ has already perfectly loved and served us), many times we're "on the lookout" for how others might be serving and loving us. Or, better said, we're looking for all of the ways that they AREN'T serving our loving us. We are testing. Testing to see if we're getting the love and service we think we deserve from them.
This is a huge roadblock in marriage, but is also true in any relationship. Our time would be much better spent thinking over, investigating, scheming, and strategizing on how to serve our brothers and sisters, than spent rehearsing and mulling over all of the ways we think WE aren't being served. Ed Welch, . . . (who, recently wrote a fantastic book, "Side by Side". . highly recommended) has a great word for us on this topic. Here's a taste, I'd encourage you to read the whole thing.
"The one who tests is taking the position of the greater, and I am guessing that, if the lesser passes the test, there will be others tests which he or she will eventually fail. When God tests us it is love. When we test others, we are declaring ourselves above them. We might have other motives, but one of them is pride. "